


Stain of the Seraph

by therealmoyashi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Conspiracy, Depression, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internal Conflict, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Memory Loss, Past Child Abuse, Rating May Change, Sexual Content, Swearing, Tokyo Ghoul: re, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therealmoyashi/pseuds/therealmoyashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suzuya succumbs into making the life-changing decision of becoming one of the CCG's early artificial ghouls, one of the Quinx. However, circumstances change when past memories begin to resurface for Haise, someone he's grown to cherish dearly. What will he choose if Haise remembers who the real enemy is? ON HIATUS</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bird

_With your physical capabilities, we firmly believe you will be extraordinarily compatible for the surgery._

_Speed, flexibility, endurance, high stamina…_

_We need investigators like you._

_We strongly advise you to participate in the Quinx Aptitude test._

_We’ve perfected it. Risk free._

_There’s nothing wrong with expanding your abilities._

_Special Class Investigator Shinohara would be amazed at this new technology._

“I’ll do it.”

_‘Mr. Shinohara… I’m doing this for you.’_

* * *

 

The raid of Anteiku was one of the most historic triumphs of any CCG mission since its establishment. The casualties were impressive, and it tooks days to clear the bodies from the streets, but there was one thing gained from the massacre that no one anticipated. The one step forward in order for humans to evolve, to match the strength of our enemy. This victory was the result of a boy.

Kaneki Ken.

After his capture, the special circumstances dealing with the state of his physical condition led to the countless experiments and advancements of the new weapon. Unlike the weapons used by investigators years prior, this monstrous new development needed a host for the sake of being put to use.

Humans.

By coating a kakuhou in Quinque steel and implanting it inside of a human body, it was discovered that the bodies of humans could be utilized to combat ghouls, with the CCG’s own artificially-made ghouls, known as “Quinx.”

And I’ve just agreed to become one of them.

* * *

 

It began with the Quinx Aptitude Test that determined whether or not you would be found compatible with the surgery based on your score. It was being made for those wishing to participate in the Quinx project in the CCG Academy. It came with a plentiful compensation for those who desired to go under the knife and make the conversion.

Obviously, I was no longer in the Academy. However, due to my pre-mature graduation back when I was only 19 years old, the higher-ups found it necessary that I at least consider becoming a part of something as historical as this, seeing as my mentor was the famous Shinohara with his Atara. As a survivor of the One-Eyed Owl, I had become a name worth mentioning around the CCG, even though I was crippled and devastated beyond repair.

In the midst of physical rehabilitation, I was given this offer. Once in a lifetime chance, they said.

I excelled in the Quinx Aptitude Test with flying colors.

If I had been in the proper mental state at the time I was given the offer, I wonder what my final decision would have been.

Instead, I was a mess like no other. My days and nights consisted of sneaking out of my hospital wing, rolling around in a wheelchair that was much too large for my body size, and navigating to Mr. Shinohara’s bedside. That’s where I slept until morning, when a frazzled nurse escorted me back to where I belonged. When my habits became known, my wheelchair was taken out of my room for the nights to come, but it didn’t stop me. I’d continue to get out of bed and use my hands to balance against the walls for support, but sometimes I’d fall. I’d fall right on my stump of a leg, then crawl like a pathetic, wounded animals with frustrated tears threatening to fall.

Many times, it became apparent I was only hurting myself worse. The doctor would prescribe pain medication, but my actions only turned more unpredictable.

That’s when I was approached for the opportunity of the Quinx Project. I was given the choice of becoming a subject to the Quinx experiment, or I would remain as an injured member of the CCG, ready to retire at my young age. What they meant was: become a test subject or you’ll never walk on two legs again.

It wasn’t a choice at all.

When Shinohara’s name was mentioned, I agreed immediately, thinking maybe he’d be proud of me, proud to have had me as a student.

Was I right?

* * *

 

Before the procedure, a number of x-rays and blood tests were performed. When the chaos was all over, the nurse attached the IV into my arm while the general anesthesia was slowly pumped into my body. As I was laid down onto the operating table, the nurse made a ‘tsk, tsk’ sound and gently removed the pins from my hair, mumbling something about forgetting to take them off. As she placed the hairpins in a tin tray one by one, I don’t know, it kind of felt like Mr. Shinohara. Like he was scolding me for not dressing professionally again, wagging that pointer finger. I closed my eyes and darkness consumed my senses.

_Incredible… his RC cell count is much higher than average._

_I’d say we have a new second-highest!_

_He’s waking up… Ah, there it is, his eye._

“It hurts…”

I wish everyone would just be quiet. I can hear everything, I can feel everything, and it was splitting my head in two. The pain around my shoulders was excruciating, like nothing I’ve felt in a long time. It felt as if there was parasite squirming around inside my back, a rodent through a tunnel, looking for light. Something was trying to break out, something was piercing my skin from the inside. I cringed and held my mouth to prevent myself from vomiting.

“It hurts, cut it out, cut it out!”

But before the doctors and CCG members could respond, a bony structure emerged from my upper back in a split second, ripping through my hospital gown with ease. It was outstretched no more than five feet, almost as long as my entire body, and closely resembled a charred skeleton.

Suddenly, it expanded with a gut-wrenching snap, exposing two separate wings made mimic the appearance of the skeletal remains of a bird, perhaps. Sprawling out a wing once by mistake, the wing crystallized to form a glowing-red shield of gem-like spikes, sharpened knives aimed and ready to fire.

Everyone in the room broke a sweat, and they all backed up with extreme caution. A nurse to my right had a ready hand on a syringe, while the few CCG members were on the defensive. At that moment, I knew I was a monster, and they feared me.

I tried balancing on my knee and what was left of my leg, looking up at the mesmerizing crystallized feathers of my wings with wonder.

When I tore my gaze from my new bodily attachment, my blurred vision caught the gaze of someone who had previously not been in the room before. Someone familiar. He stood distant beside the open door. White hair, like mine, with a hint of darkness at the roots. His expression was something else, though. I couldn’t put my finger on it. A mouth slightly ajar, and those eyes. Fully open. Was it shock? Terror? It was an expression I’d known before, when Mr. Shinohara first watched me fight with the quinque I’ve come to call Jason. The kind light in his eyes gave it all away. That’s when I knew what state he was in, ah, there is was.

Marvel.

 


	2. Intrigue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya introduces himself to Haise.

In the weeks that followed the kagune-implantation surgery, the CCG kept their word in providing me with my own custom-designed prosthetic leg. My measurements, weight, and height were all taken into account along with my own personal preferences. It was the best news I’ve gotten all year, and it proved efficient in breaking my state of indifference. As an added bonus, the CCG even approved coverage for rehabilitative sessions with Dr. Shiba, for both of my new, unfamiliar appendages.

Dr. Shiba was extremely thorough with me during my rehab. First, he explained to me the circumstances of my unusual RC Cell levels. For a Quinx, they were higher than the norm. He told me it would be mandatory for me to partake in monthly visits for RC Cell suppressant injections as a precaution. This control of my RC levels would ensure that I would have no negative side effects, similar to those of a natural born ghoul.

On the bright side, I was finally equipped with my new leg, and the very second I put it on, I was more than ecstatic. In fact, that word was an understatement.

The new appendage was lightweight, very realistic, and hardly noticeable. I could even wear my favorite pair of mid-calf pants without people staring! In time, I was able to balance on two feet again, even though one of them wasn’t my own anymore. Nonetheless, it was amazing.

Learning how to walk was a breeze, of course. I dreamed of it nightly. But doing the things I used to, running, jumping, cartwheels and flips? That was the challenge. Despite these struggles, I was motivated by the force of Shinohara’s memory.

After the Owl incident, I was promoted to Associate Special Class Investigator and assigned to be the leader of my own squad. My partner, Rank 2 Investigator Hanbee Abara, is not much of an investigator at all. He’s cowardly, clumsy, and follows me around desperately, but we get along, so it’s fine by me. He still has time to learn what it takes to be an investigator, especially when his life is at stake. We’ve grown closer during our first few assignments together, and he’s openly expressed his admiration toward me, something that made my head spin at first. Nowadays, though, I could see why. He has some work to do. There’s nothing wrong with looking to me as an example for how to fight. In fact, it’s very pleasing rather than annoying in most cases.

Something that did annoy me was the excessive amount of prying eyes all around the CCG. I knew exactly what they were looking for, too.

My ukaku.

Everyone who knew about the surgery was eager to know, eager to see. Was I that much of a lab rat to them all? Additionally, they were afraid. Rumors of my past ruthlessness became a popular subject once the procedure was completed, and my sanity was questioned by newbies who I wasn’t even acquainted with. It was Akira who eventually put them all in their place. Obviously, for me, the rumors didn’t bother me because I was so used to it, but my past tendencies were hard to tuck away when Shinohara’s name was ever mentioned. It was a touchy subject for me.

But hey, maybe I should give them all a good show, seeing as I was their Quinx with the second highest RC levels. I should just destroy anyone who dares speak his name in their unworthy mouths. A simple solution.

That reminds me, today I’ll be meeting this so-called Haise Sasaki, a Rank 1 Investigator who is also the mentor of the other Quinx. I wasn’t a part of their squad, however. I preferred being the leader of my own squad with Hanbee as my partner.

I remembered his face from when I woke up from the procedure. But that’s not what makes him so intriguing to me.

I know something no one knows, and I’m keeping my mouth shut until I find out exactly what’s really going on. Apparently, Haise’s true identity is some dirty little secret being kept hidden at all costs, but I know the truth.

Of course, he looked different each time I saw him, but it’s unmistakable. The picture on his ‘missing’ ID is what he looked like during our first encounter, black hair and all. The second time was from a distance, but I could tell. His hair went white somehow. There’s no way he’d be able to recognize me now due to his memory loss, which makes it even more fun!

With Hanbee behind me, we approach each other, and he’s smiling with a hint of nervousness, goofy even, with his hand rubbing the back of his head. He seems nothing like he used to. It makes me grin.

“It’s a pleasure to finally get the chance to meet you, outside the hospital of course,” I greeted with a bit of sarcasm.

He laughed and we shook hands. “Ah, you remember that? Sorry, it was a strange way of introducing myself I suppose. I’ve heard so much about you, it really is an honor, Associate Special Class Investigator Suzuya.”

What has he heard, I wonder?

“Its fine,” I giggled at his formality toward me. “You can drop the title. I may be your superior, but it’s both a mouthful and earful to deal with.”

“You changed your hair,” he pointed to my new color. “It really suits you, I like it.”

Was he trying to flatter me? But the light in his eyes made it so sincere.

“How nice of you~” I teased. “I heard we’ll be working on a few assignments together soon, think you’re ready for it?”

“Definitely,” he said, nodding his head.

“Great! Oh, and before I go, I’m returning this.”

I took his arm and handed him something that really confused the hell out of him.

The money I stole all that time ago.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we're past the introductions and shit can get real. I love writing about these two, ugh such cuties. Remember to comment, let me know how I'm doing!


	3. Chapter 3

“So Sasaki, tell me,” I inquired as I ripped the wrapper off my third candy bar of the day, “how are the rest of the Quinxs coming along?”

“Ah, well... “ he was obviously hesitant. “They’re improving.”

He was doing that thing again, where he rubbed the back of his neck. I picked up on it as one of his nervous habits, and that meant it was my queue to prod him to elaborate. During our first few squad meetings, some hosted by Akira Mado herself, I found that my favorite part was watching Sasaki’s comical reaction to being scolded by Investigator Mado. Their relationship was professional, but I was always able to sense the same vibe I get from seeing a child being lectured by his mother.

“That’s not what I heard~! What’s the truth then, Sasaki?”

He groaned in frustration, and I laughed at the ridiculous face he made to go along with it.

“They’re hopeless,” he admitted. “Urie is always out looking for trouble on his own, Saiko has no motivation whatsoever, and Mutsuki, well, he dwindles in strength…”

“Sounds like the mentor of the Q’s needs some mentoring himself, huh~?”

He sighed at my relentless teasing, but he’s gotta know I mean well after all. Being unable to maintain control over your own squad is definitely embarrassing, but he needs to rule with an iron fist with those newbies. The rumors I’ve heard from Akira don’t sound very pretty.

“Anyways, Sasaki, I’m meeting with you by the request of Dr. Shiba, actually. Regarding my surgery.”

“Your ukaku?” he asked, seemingly interested.

“Yeah, he deemed you the most qualified to show me the ropes. In return, I can definitely give Mutsuki a little lesson in knife throwing.”

“Deal! I mean, yeah, yes. Um, I’d love to.”

He had me smiling again, and I don’t even know why. The eagerness plain on his face was easy to read, as usual. It was a mutual feeling, however. I too was eager to see what he had planned for me, eager to spar, because getting the opportunity to see his kagune and that ghoul eye of his was the chance to confirm that he is, in fact, Kaneki Ken.

Licking the chocolate off my fingers, we exchanged numbers and parted ways.

* * *

“I’ve never been to this part of the facility before,” Sasaki stated.

“Me either,” I hummed. “I heard the walls and ceiling are coated in Quinque steel so nothing gets destroyed. Think we’ll fuck it up that bad?”

Sasaki chuckled. “Hope not.”

Formerly the area in which Quinque weaponry was developed, this giant section of the CCG facility was cleared out to be used for Quinx rehabilitation and procedures. In other words, Dr. Shiba would request the Q’s to demonstrate their abilities here, and the security of the space proved to be able to withstand damage from most attacks.

Sasaki and I stood at the center of the room awkwardly, quiet.

“Sorry, this is a little new to me, you being my superior and all…”

“That’s what you’re being weird about? Don’t be so nervous when you’re supposed to be teaching me how to use this thing!”

“Okay, okay!” he waved his hands in surrender to my scolding. “You need to remove your shirt, otherwise it’ll tear, then sit.”

I hummed a little ‘mkay’ and started undoing the metal clasps of my suspenders, front then back, and slipped them off onto the floor with a startling clink. As I unbuttoned my black dress shirt, I noticed that Sasaki’s back was turned. For privacy purposes, I guess?

“Hey, you wanna actually face me?” I chuckled and threw my shirt at the back of his head just to be an asshole. I seemed to have gotten him quite flustered!

“Sorry!” he spun around, then paused.

I could tell by the direction of his eyes that he was looking my body stitchings, intrigued.

“See something you like? I think you got a little drool on your chin~”

“What? No! I just meant uh, wow, it just looks really cool. I didn’t mean to stare.”

I shrugged and turned around for him, kneeling down and sitting with my legs crossed. I could hear him getting down as well, slowly.

“I’m going to check for any sensitivity, okay? Let me know if anything hurts.”

I hummed in acknowledgement.   

He put his hands on me, and even though I was expecting it, it still made me want to shiver. His hands were kind of cold, for starters, and having people touch me wasn’t my favorite thing in the world really. I especially tensed when he went over the spot where my koukaku was implanted, near the bottom of my neck.

“You haven’t activated it in a while, have you?” he asked.

“Not since the surgery.”

“Why is that?”

I tugged at my lip stitching, not answering.

“Hey,” he sat near my side, forcing me to look at him. His face was different somehow.  “Why?”

“My RC Cell level… Dr. Shiba showed me how high it was.”

“That means, by asking me to help you, you need to learn to control it. Right?”

I scoffed and clenched my fist tightly, turning away from him. “I don’t want to control it. I don’t even want to use it.”

“Show it to me.”

I turned to look at him again. He was so close for some reason, and I couldn’t stop myself from admiring the light in his eyes. His face was inches from mine and I let my eyes wander to soak in his features. He really was handsome, I must admit. I was envious of his capability to pull off those boyish features, yet also maintain the hardened expression of a man. He certainly was different from the person I bumped into years ago. The change was almost alarming. How was it possible for anyone to grow up this way in such a short amount of time?

I was dying to find out more about him and his predicament. Ghoul to a Rank 1 Investigator? How does the notorious Eyepatch and Centipede go from being a target to a pawn in the extermination of ghoul-kind?

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” I smirked.

He chuckled, his breath tickling my face. “Give it a go, then.”

I nodded and turned my head. My playful smile was gone the moment I closed my eyes to concentrate on summoning this strange new muscle… My first time was a rather detached memory for me, almost like a dream due to effects of the drugs. But right now in this very moment, it’s all so much more lucid. Real. And that’s terrifying.

Sasaki touched that spot on my back again.

“Think of it as an extension of yourself,” he explained. “I can feel it, you know. This spot on your back is tender compared to the rest. Just relax.”

I absorbed his words with consideration. He was right. I was too tense, and I was holding my breath. I let my body do the thinking instead this time, letting out a long sigh.

Sasaki’s fingers trailed down my spine, and I spun around wondering why exactly, but his expression made me realize that my Ukaku had come out to play. How did I not even feel it?

I looked up just as Sasaki was and could feel the heat radiating off of it. It was larger than it was supposed to be, that was for certain. It took on the appearance of wings, typical of any Ukaku type. It somehow looked different than it did in the hospital, however. The blackened bone-like sections were surrounded by what appeared to be a muscle, like liquid fire spewing out from my shoulders.

After looking at me in the same way he did while peeping into my hospital room, Sasaki laughed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s amazing. So much more amazing than the other ones I’ve seen at only 40%.”

I felt strange about being flustered at the moment, so I wanted to change the subject.

“Your turn, ghoul boy.”

“Sheesh, alright.”

He untucked his button-up shirt and we stood up, facing each other. Movement near his hip caught my eye as the pulsing red Rinkaku made its appearance. First one, then two tendril-like appendages that were quite an impressive size. They were larger than the other Q’s obviously, but it wasn’t what I expected. The Kaneki Ken I heard so much about? With multiple kagunes, a half-kakuja, and a vicious cannibalistic hunger? That was what I wanted to see.

“Get ready,” he commanded.

I instantly bounced back on my feet to distance myself. The lightweightedness of my body was spectacular! It felt like I was floating with every step I took.

Even when Sasaki pounced toward me for his first attack, I was practically airborne and impossible to catch. With these shining feathers of mine, I dodged a jab to my right, then left. Double flip backward to avoid another hit. It was so fun!

“Damn, you’re good.”

“Catch me if you can, Sa~sa~ki!”

He seemed either motivated or irritated with my teasing, because he launched toward me again, using his kagune as a sort of catapult to jump as high as me with his sharpened Rinkaku coming toward me at full speed.

He never landed the blow, however, because his kagune was caught in the middle of my Ukaku. My wing was twisted around his Rinkaku, constricting the movement completely. Without thinking, my feathers crystallized automatically and shot out at the ghoul entangled in my trap. The bullet-fast shards almost got him bad, but he used that other tendril of his to block it, even though it injured him.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath.

Without warning, I was pushed back forcefully at the work of his kagune, but luckily I skidded my slippers against the floor hard enough to keep myself standing.

“Ruthless, aren’t you?”

“That’s what they all say!”

I was the one perpetrating the attack this time. I wanted see the power of my new wings myself, how sharp they were and how deep they could cut. The bloodlust I’d buried was slowly resurfacing at the fault of Sasaki and the challenges he put up for me in this fight.

With the swing of my crystallized Ukaku, I aimed at Sasaki directly, but was only able to give a good slice to his kagune. As I came down mid-air, something took a hold of my prosthetic leg around the ankle and shoved me down hard to the floor. Damn it, I forgot about the other one again.

Before I was able to get up, I was pinned with my back up against the floor, causing my Ukaku to quiver back down into my body.

“Don’t let your guard down.”

Sasaki was above me, sweat rolling down his neck.

It was then that my body finally took the toll of overexertion. I didn’t even feel like getting up, not realizing how exhausted I’d become just from going at it for that short amount of time. I knew that the Ukaku was risky, but not to this extent.

There was a soreness in my back that I cursed with extreme malice. Even my brain was fighting back at me, a migraine slipping its way in.

“Jeez,” the other investigator panted, and collapsed beside me on the floor, his kagune withdrawing into his lower back to rest and heal.

“You okay, Suzuya?”

“Peachy.”

“What’s bothering you?”

“Everything. My back. Head.”

He chuckled and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “It’s kind of like a hangover, huh?”

“Hng, I wouldn’t know. Don’t drink.”

“Then we’ll go out and celebrate when you’re feeling up to it.”

His words made me crack open an eye to take a peek at him. Our eyes met, and there was this nostalgic presence about him that I was growing a bit too fond of.

“Deal,” I grinned. “But right now I could really go for some food. Cake, maybe?”

“You must really be into sweets.”

“Of course! They taste so yummy I could just eat them all day!”

Sasaki teasingly pushed my arm, sitting up. “Did I hurt you, by the way? You ankle.”

“You’re forgetting I don’t have a leg here,” I knocked on the surface of my prosthetic to demonstrate.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry Suzuya,” he blushed.

“Pft~! You’re fine, it doesn’t bother me. And just call me Juuzou from now on.”

“Ah...okay. Then you can call me by my first name too. If you’re comfortable with it.”

I flashed a sickenly sweet smile at him. “Of course, Haise~!” I sang just to embarrass him further.

“You’re crazy, but I like it,” he smiled and helped me up.

“Good. We’re gonna be spending a lot more time together, it seems.”

Haise nodded as he hoisted me back onto my feet by my hand. The headache was dying down just by us wasting time talking. When I smiled at him, I detected the compassion in his eyes, the kindness that I longed for from the one person I cared about most in this world. It meant everything to me somehow, even the way his hand lingered on mine before he let go. So familiar.

**  
** _Shinohara._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya triggers an unwanted memory in Sasaki by mistake.

“Okay Okay, so I have a surprise for you,” Haise said, sneaking up behind me as I finished up my pre-workout stretches. “Guess.”

I grinned and leaned back, looking at at his bright, eager smile. He was rubbing his hands together as if he’d come up with some diabolical plan, but that glimmer in his eyes said otherwise.

“Alright, I’ll bite,” I stuck my tongue out at him. “Do I get a break today?”

“Nope, something tangible.”

“Big or small?”

“Small.”

“Edible?”

“Warmer.”

“No way,” I spun around and pretty much tackled the taller investigator much to his surprise, knocking him over as I patted him down, squealing when I heard the familiar crackle of candy wrappers. “You have sweets for me?!”

“All yours,” he chuckled.

I snatched the treats from his pockets greedily. “You’re the best Haise~!”

He have me this cheesy thumbs-up. “You betcha!”

I burst out laughing at his tacky pose, then took his hand to help him up off the floor. The moment he saw me fiddling with the wrapper of one of his gifts to me, he put a stern finger to my lips.

“After training.”

“What!”

“It’ll do you more good after than before. Wouldn’t it be a shame to get a stomach-ache mid-attack? Besides, it will help replenish the energy lost.”

“Meh,” I pouted.

“Don’t give me that, Associate Special Class Suzuya,” he pinched my cheek and I groaned. “Give me all you got and you’ll get a treat next time, too.”

My grin returned at his encouraging words. He was trying to motivate me to push myself harder, I knew it, and it was working. The candy was a super plus, but the genuine kindness in his methods was enough to get me off my feet. Kindness was a trait I never knew I craved, or even had in myself until I was taken under Shinohara’s wing years ago. Right now, though, I’m comfortable with this, with Haise being the one to provide me with enough generosity to keep me going.

With each day that passed, the warmth in my heart grew.

* * *

It really wasn’t long until our developing professional relationship changed into something a bit more, dare I say, unprofessional? Our meetings at the CCG building turned into casual outings at cafes, bakeries, sometimes even to the park or zoo, a personal favorite of mine. On our days off, we would meet up and he’d always have his pockets filled with some yummy treat. I was suspicious of course, thinking maybe he was trying to condition me like a dog, but where’s the harm in getting delicious snacks when meeting up with your new partner in crime?

Hanbee was especially happy for me, and he openly expressed it on the daily. He’d say you’re so full of energy, full of life, you smile so much more now, it’s wonderful you’ve found something to keep you occupied.

It’s true, I guess. Haise occupied my time and thoughts constantly. I’d blow up his phone relentlessly, sometimes to be obnoxious and other times because he’s taking too long to reply. Sending ridiculous pictures was probably my favorite thing to do. I don’t quite have the hang of this whole phone thing yet, but I’m getting there.

It’s weird. Never thought I’d become so close with a ghoul.

But he’s not your typical blood-thirsty killer that you see on the news every other day. He’s different, and I’m aware of that but in the back of my mind, I’m still thinking about the person he once was: Kaneki Ken.

I’m so full of questions, and I’m desperate for answers but the frustration of not being able to receive those answers is tearing me apart inside.

When I’m alone at night, looking up at the sky from the roof of a building, I think about it. No, I stress over it. More than I should be really. Because I know something’s horribly wrong with his amnesia. How does a SS-rated ghoul, wanted by the CCG at all costs, suddenly become a ghoul-investigator forced to be put up against his own kind? I mean, I know he’s half ghoul and everything, but he must have friends and acquaintances who were also ghouls. Like those people at that that coffee shop where he used to work. That manager guy and those two other workers.

Ah, the manager…

Haise can’t know what I did. I’ll die before he finds out. But what happens when he finds out I know about his past? Would it be a betrayal? Would he be hurt?

I can’t let him know about me, but the awful desire to see Haise as Kaneki again is overwhelming, it’s an itch I can’t scratch. I want to know if he remembers something, anything.

But there’s some things better off not knowing.

* * *

We were getting ready to train again, but this time we would be coming in with our steel suitcases, our Quinques inside ready to be drawn. With me, I carried Jason, and Haise had with him a blade Quinque called Yukimura.

The two of us began as usual, landing blows with minimal damage, being easy on each other to prevent injury. But once the aura became more intense with heavy breathing and straining muscles, we went all out.

Our weapons clashed and clanged off each other, the vibration of the noise echoing throughout the room loudly. He was testing to see how far I could push myself while using both the Ukaku and my Quinque, while he did the same. Although my kagune type was notorious for draining me to the point of exhaustion, I could feel my limit stretching each time we practiced. Today was no different, but the level of difficulty of this session was was a pleasant challenge.

However, things escalated.

I don’t know why it happens to me still to this day. But the rush of grasping Jason’s handle in my palms, the sensation of flying, it all mixes into this ecstasy of bloodlust, not very far from where I was a few years ago. Haise was taken aback by my sudden surge of energy and backed up, dodging each blow from Jason precautiously.

He was on the defensive again, allowing me to take control in combat, but also underestimating how far I would let my ardor for blood drive my violent behavior. All it took was one slip-up on his part for Jason to knock him back as the blade sliced as his arm when he tried to block the the attack.

Whenever I’d injure him in any of our previous sparring matches, he’d get up quickly due to his swift healing abilities, but this time he just sat there, his right hand grasping the wound and his other shielding his eye.

“Haise, what’s wrong?”

I threw down my Quinque and rushed over to him, kneeling down in front of his struggling form. He was drawn into himself, like a child in a fetal position, those long legs tightening against his suffering body. The trembling of his limbs was something I wasn’t used to. I was grown accustomed to Haise being cool-headed when we fought, that grin hardly leaving those lips. What was I supposed to do now?

“Haise, please,” I begged for him to show me some kind of response, anything at all. My worry only skyrocketed when he tore away from my touch. “Haise!” I grabbed his wrists just so I could see his face, but I regretted it, because I wasn’t looking at Haise anymore.

His ghoul-eye visibly throbbed, the glowing red against black almost startling me.

“Get it out of me,” his voice broke.

“What?”

“It’s in my ear, it’s crawling, crawling oh god, all I can hear is… is…”

My god, he’s not making any sense. What triggered this? Was it me, my attack?

I turned to look at my abandoned Quinque.

“Jason?”

“No, no no no…” He started clawing at his ears incessantly, until I restrained his wrists once again in my grip.

“I did see you then, huh… During that raid, after I finished him off. You knew him somehow.”

Haise had his face lowered into his knees, and his body was shaking while I talked quietly to myself, assessing what went wrong. There was sharp pang of guilt in my heart for causing Haise this turmoil. I should have known not to use Jason, should have remembered that Quinques were simply weapons made from kagunes, maybe it would trigger something. But this was all new to me. I didn’t know that ghouls were able to recognize other ghouls even when their kagunes were in Quinque form. Such a disturbing discovery…

I still needed Haise to recover from this episode, though. What was it that Akira told me to do?

“Do you know your name?”

“...Haise…”

“What about me? Remember me?”

His lack of response was concerning, but with the gentle tug of his wrists, he broke free from my grip and instead pulled me closer. This was good, right? I’m not entirely sure.

“Juuzou,” he said with a steady voice. “Associate… Special Class… Juuzou.”

“Yes, Haise.”

“You’re so close. You always smell so good.”

I pulled away just to give him a deadpan stare, an eyebrow raising slowly. “Don’t be a weirdo,” I rolled my eyes at him, then smiled in relief that he Kakugan had vanished and Haise was giving me this goofy, typical look. He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, sorry. Thinking out loud again. What happened? Did you knock me out?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I lied. “Let’s take a break for today. I’m beat.”

He nodded, and I gave him a hand in helping him up off the floor, ruffling his two-colored hair while I was at it.

“You must be getting really good if you can knock me down like that!”

“Haha, yeah, I guess so.”

He must have noticed my unease. “You okay?” He inquired.

“Yeah, must be tired,” I lied again.

Much to my surprise, he put an arm around me, and even more surprising was the fact that I found comfort in it, leaned into him as we walked toward our fallen Quinques. His expression told me that his thoughts were full of carefree thoughts, but my head was spinning.

He can’t know, he can’t know, he can’t…

He’d never forgive me.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory from Haise's past slips through.

The 1st Ward was entirely different from the 13th, that’s for sure. Hanbee and I were the team usually sent out to the 13th Ward to investigate the ghouls notorious for the formidable amount of bloodshed in that district of Tokyo. It was a place where even most ghouls worried for their safety, I’ve heard. Itsuki Marude was confident in my abilities to handle even the most terrifying of ghouls, however, and trusted my judgement in training Hanbee to withstand the horrors of the 13th Ward.

I hadn’t been there in a great while, though.

Prior to the surgery, the 13th Ward was like almost like home in a messed up way. But now, with the constant need for check-ups with Dr. Shiba and mentoring with Haise, I’d been relocated to the Main Office of the CCG, the 1st Ward.

At first, it was unbearable of course. Adjusting to the peaceful location and all. Having just lost Shinohara and my own leg, balancing my new responsibilities with my grief was unbearable. Nonetheless, the discomfort was a thing of the past with the help of Akira and Haise guiding me each step of the way, literally. Along with Arima, Akira, and the Quinx squad, I’d begun to feel more at ease, especially with Haise’s full and unlimited support.

I guess it was the all the other new investigators I had problems with. The ones fresh out of the academy, some with high hopes of becoming a hero. Others just desperate for a promotion. Truly revolting in my opinion. After the kagune-implantation, the rumors spiraled out of control.  And when I didn’t entertain them with the reaction they expected, they talked.

 

* * *

 

I was somehow lost in the Main CCG building again trying to find Haise, an important envelope in hand. This place was so huge and with my bad sense of direction, I wandered. Everything looks the same, after all. Can’t they just paint the halls with different colors instead of white and gray? So boring. If I had been a couple years younger, I would’ve done them a favor and splattered a masterpiece over the drab wallpaper.

Anyways, I had to be getting close. I recognized this part of the building… kind of. I was getting near one of the breakrooms for sure, because I could hear that droning hum of the two vending machines that stood side by side near the door. Back in the day, I stole a custodian’s key for never ending snack privileges. But when Shinohara caught me stuffing my face, I was done for. I chuckled at the memory, but paused when my ears picked up some noise.

“What can you do about it, huh?”

“Everyone knows it’s true.”

I could hear an argument on the rise from within the breakroom. I followed the loud voices, my curiosity getting the better of me again. Sometimes I took amusement in listening, just knowing. My interest peaked when I heard Haise’s raised voice as well. I found him at last! I snuck closer and pressed an ear against the door, trying to understand what was going on in there.

“You have no right in spreading those kinds of rumors. It’s not like that at all. You don’t even know him. Who are you to judge?”

“And you do? Go ask him yourself. Everyone sees you two together all the time, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“He’s a freak, just like you, and your little ghoul squad. Thinking you’re better than the rest of us just because you have something we don’t.”

“Just shut u--!”

“Haise?” I opened the door a crack, leaning in slightly with a deep concern in my eyes. I’ve never heard him so angry before… it was different. He had his hands in a fist, as if about to hit someone, and his teeth clenched together. The two other investigators, Rank 3 I believe, were seated down with some snotty looks on their faces. They were nothing special, I could tell. When they saw me, their faces drained of color.

And the moment Haise looked at me, his face changed, like a dog caught chewing something he shouldn’t. He turned away from those other investigators and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from that area of the building. I probably would have enjoyed holding his hand if he didn’t seem so frustrated. I could tell what he was so upset about just from listening to the words of the other two who most likely started it. But I wanted him to tell me. I wasn’t going to let him brush it off with another one of his sheepish smiles and change the subject. The two of us actually acting serious was rare nowadays, but this was important to me.

I stopped walking, tugging at his hand to flee into an empty meeting room to avoid any eavesdroppers.

“Haise, what’s wrong?” I asked, shutting the door.

“It’s nothing, just… just that they were talking about…”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

I sat him down in one of the office chairs and kneeled down, our hands still connected and resting in his lap. I was staring up at him trying to read his expression, urging him on with a squeeze of his hand. His was hesitant to open up about it, I could tell. But I was good at pushing people.

“They were saying that you just wanted to be a ghoul or some nonsense, because you were… raised by them. By ghouls.”

“I was,” I agreed.

“I didn’t realize…”

“It’s okay,” I smiled. “I don’t talk about it. I was very young, it really doesn’t matter anymore. What made you so upset?” I hoped he couldn’t see through that lie. I honestly just couldn’t bring myself to talk about all that had happened. I wanted to talk about him instead.

He sat back and groaned. “They said the same about my squad. That they’re power-hungry. Just did it for the money.”

“And?”

“That… when I got my memories back, I’d turn back into a monster. Betray the CCG... Kill everyone I know.”

“What do you believe, Haise?” I stared at him with genuine curiosity this time cocking my head to the side, because I truly did wish to hear his thoughts. I won’t lie and say it never crossed my mind on what would happen.

“I don’t know… if my memories return, I’d still have this part of me, right? But the person who I was before, a ghoul, a killer, whatever, the CCG would never allow them to stay. I’d be hunted... wouldn’t I?”

I wasn’t sure I could answer him.

“I don’t want to lose the people I care about. My squad, Arima, Akira… you.”

Haise ruffled a hand through my hair and moved it across my cheek, gently caressing his thumb under my eye. I was drawn toward his touch again, because if I closed my eyes, I could feel the warmth radiating off him like sunlight. It was the same warmth from when Shinohara formerly introduced himself to me for the first time, and shook my hand, much to my confusion. It was the contact I missed, and it made my heart ache in desperation. That’s how much it meant to me.

I opened my eyes again and caught him staring at me. We were both smiling.

“You won’t lose me, or anyone.. And I’m not losing you, even if you turn back into who were used to be. Just don’t eat me, kay?”

“Hmmm I dunno Juuzou, you smell pretty good, can’t I just have one little bite?”

He was licking his lips jokingly, giving me this ridiculous face while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I was cracking up, trying to pull away from his chomping teeth. “Stop, stop!” I pleaded, laughing at his silliness toward me, but I went silent when he stood, pulled me up and took me in his arms. He face was buried into my neck, where he nuzzled his nose in close and breathed in deeply.

“You really do mean a lot to me,” he said lowly. “I can’t explain it, but you just smell kind of familiar.”

“Haise…” He couldn’t see my expression, but my eyes were wide in distress. Those words made me agonize with anxiety that his memories were somehow slipping through, that he was subconsciously remembering who bumped into him that day. Was my scent that strong?

He brought his head back, his eyes meeting mine. What was that look he was giving me? Was he sad? Concerned?

He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

A shiver made me tremble for a moment, the heartache turning into something much more longing for obvious reasons. But mostly because it wasn’t enough. Haise wasn’t giving me enough, and like the impatient person I’m known to be, I wanted more. Any contact from him was like solar flares burning up the atmosphere, and I just couldn’t stay away from him anymore. Until now, I wasn’t sure how he felt toward me, if he was flirting with me or just being himself. The attraction I was starting to feel was unfamiliar, but welcomed.

Standing up my tip-toes, I stole a quick kiss from his lips, noticing a blush appear on his face. He’s just too much!

“Come on, we have a new assignment to get familiar with,” I pointed to the envelop I dropped. I knew I had to end the moment before I got too deep.

We both smiled and made our way to the door. I could feel him try to put an arm around my hips, but with one wrong move, he brushed something else by mistake.

“Don’t tell me I have to go to HR and file a sexual harassment report just to keep your hands off me, Haise.”

“What? No! Juuzou! I’m sorry!”

“I’m kidding, dummy. Probably shouldn’t let anyone see, though. Can’t let anyone know I kissed a Rank 1 Investigator. How embarrassing!”

“You’re brutal!”

“Yeah, but you like it.”

 

* * *

 

After a pointless argument on a quiet place to go for reading over the files, we settled on Haise’s own apartment he shared with the other Quinx. He told me it would be peaceful for the most part, seeing as all of the Quinx were out besides Saiko, who stayed in her room all day playing video games.

I’m surprised by the dull nature of our new assigned case. Usually, I’m given the cases with ghouls too vicious for the newer investigators and squads to handle. I suspect that Washuu is testing our compatibility by giving us a more trouble-free case to work on in comfort of the 1st Ward. No problem, though. It gives me more time and leeway to do it my way.

“We’ll conduct the investigation by the end of this week,” I pointed to a dotted line on my map of the 1st Ward of Tokyo. “In this area here. That seems to be his hunting grounds.”

“And the rating?”

“Approximately S.”

“Affiliations?”

“Possibly 20th Ward.”

“Ah,” Haise nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are we traveling to the 20th Ward as well?”

“If it’s necessary to the investigation, then yes. But his current location seems to be the 1st. We probably won’t have to do much traveling for this one unless we need more background… you okay?”

Haise seemed dazed, staring off into the distance with a blank expression. He grinned and rubbed underneath his chin. “Just tired,” he chuckled. “I was wondering, have you been to the 20th Ward?”

“Yeah, a couple years ago, I was assigned there with… my old partner. You know. I haven’t been there since…” Thinking about it made me pause, remembering all that occurred during the last Owl Extermination. Many of the famous ghouls appeared that night. Devil Ape, Black Dog, the One-Eyed Owl… Eye-Patch, or should I say, Kaneki. I wasn’t sure if I should be talking about it with him, but I didn’t want to seem suspicious. Haise trusted me after all. “Since the Anteiku-raid.”

“What was it like?”

“Haise,” I said with unease, “I’m sorry. I don’t talk about it often.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up a sensitive subject. It’s just I read casefiles on what happened… With your old partner, the one I always hear about. And your leg.”

“Ha,” I leaned back and put my feet up on the coffee table. “I’ve always wondered what happened to it after all that. Maybe a ghoul ate it. Imagine going up there on the rooftop and finding a couple of severed legs up there!”

I knew I lifted Haise’s mood at that point because he had a hand over his mouth in an attempt to suppress his stifled laughter. “You should’ve kept it!” He chuckled.

“In what, a big jar? Make it into a lamp?”

“Juuzou!” He playfully hit my shoulder, in which I responded with a slight kick to his ribs with my prosthetic. He trapped my ankle in his grip. “Don’t you dare or it’s coming off!”

“You wouldn’t!” I made a pretty unmanly sound as he pulled me down, making me drop all the files I was holding, papers flying everywhere.

“I would. And I bet you’d look pretty ridiculous hopping around on one leg.” He had this mischievous gleam in his eye that I found extremely amusing. It’s as if there’s this on and off switch for Haise, and it’s my favorite thing in the world to flip.

“I’d still be faster than you, Haise.”

“Yeah, maybe, but I’d catch you eventually.”

“Mhmmm,” I giggled, running a hand through his mismatched colored hair. He was very close to me, so close I could smell him. He had pulled me down so I was lying down on my back all comfy while he kneeled between my bent knees, smiling down at me.

I was going to ask him if he had more candy, but he kissed me before I could say anything, which was good enough for me. Haise’s lips were almost as good, so I didn’t bother.

It was a real soft kiss like the first one, but longer this time. I could feel the warmth of his breath hitting my face, and the tips of his hair tickling my eyelids. Haise’s lips started moving against mine, so I just followed his lead. We were both a bit clumsy, so I’m guessing he didn’t have much experience either, but it was still nice. Just having him close. The comfort he provided was irresistible, and it filled me with bliss.

When we pulled apart, we were both grinning and I couldn’t explain why.

Without saying anything, Haise kissed my cheek, then my neck, then behind my ear. I made this tiny noise, that spot making me squirm.

“You ticklish?”

I stared at him in horror, and he saw right through me.

In an instant, I tried to flee, but he pounced quicker than I could anticipate. He was all over me with those tortuous fingers, against my sides and underarms. I was almost screaming, honestly, because this may or may not have been the first time someone’s been brave enough to tickle the hell out of me.

“Stop it, stooop, Haise~!”

His mistake was trying to tickle my feet, because guess what, one of them isn’t real, so I gave him a good kick to the chest, knocking him down so I could pin him to the couch.

“You’re done!” I declared, asserting my seriousness with a half-attempt at a stern face. It was hopeless though, because we burst out laughing again until our faces turned red from lack of air. It really was crazy how often I laughed when in his company, like finally, I can feel like this again after so much time. Finally.

When we caught our breaths, he put a hand on my thigh, feeling the border between the real flesh next to the fake. “I can’t even tell you’re an amputee, honestly. You move so naturally.”

“Can’t be a crippled CCG member I suppose…” I frowned, averting my gaze as the memory of the ultimatum resurfaced. The choice that ripped apart at my humanity. The choice that wasn’t a choice at all. The disclosure agreement that I signed, half out of it, brainwashed in my state of grief.

“Juuzou? Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I lost myself a bit.”

He stared at me strangely, saying nothing, and I noticed his eyes widening for a split second. But his eyebrow twitched, and the expression disappeared. Then he smiled at me. “Let’s get back to work, then.” He knew something was off, I’m sure, but was too polite to inquire further.

 

* * *

 

We must have fallen asleep at some point, because the files were yet again scattered all over the coffee table, and the windows only displayed the darkness of nightfall. Still lying on the couch, I was curled up beside Haise, although there was very little room. His chest was pressed against my back, and I could feel a racing heartbeat pounding against my spine. The rise and fall of his diaphragm brought me back into consciousness slowly with each irregular breath. Drowsily, I yawned and wondered what woke me up in the first place.

“...s...it’s…”

Haise was talking in his sleep. That must’ve been it.

“It’s going...through...m…”

I just now realized how the couch shook as his body trembled. Alarmed, I sat upright and tried to assess the situation, to figure out what was causing these spasmodic movements. Even in the dark, I could see the way his face contorted, brows furrowed together, and the grinding of teeth from within his cheeks.

“Head… my head…it’s, my eyes…!”

“Haise?” I shook him by the shoulder, but my touch only frightened him, seeing as he jolted away. Was he in pain? God, I didn’t know what was going on and it was scaring me. Seeing Haise like this was bad enough, but if he was remembering something, there was little I could do in this situation. What if he had a meltdown? What if he attacked? Akira Mado may have a system for handling this type of situation, but I wasn’t about to declare Haise “gone-ghoul” and put his life at risk.

“Haise, wake up! Please.”

“...eyes, my brain, it’s…!”

I slapped him.

He shot up, bloodshot eyes wide open and his hand immediately went to his face, feeling over his eyelids, then the back of his head and through his hair. His hair was sticking to his damp forehead, and a bead of sweat rolled down his neck. He didn’t even seem to register I was there with him.

“Hai-”

“What happened to me?”

“You were aslee-”

Without warning, he took me by the shoulders, squeezing them in emphasis. His face was close again, but he was frightened this time. White as a sheet.

“No, what did they do to me? I was there, wasn’t I? The 20th Ward, Anteiku. Holes in my head, in my brain, god, why. Juuzou, why am I here? Juu...Ju, for god’s sake, I’m not supposed to be here, this... this…”

I grabbed his face and forced him to breathe, to look at me in the eye. “Calm,” I whispered and leaned in slowly, kissing his eyelids one by one. At first, my actions made him squint in fear, maybe, but he finally sighed when my lips touched his skin. I held his head against my chest protectively, and his trembling eventually stopped. Within minutes, his breathing regained stability. I hoped he could hear my heart beating against his ear.

“You’re here with me now. This is where you’re supposed to be.”

“What if I remember...I’ll lose everything.”

“Not me,” I hushed. “I’ll stay with you.”

And what did I mean by that, exactly? Deep down, I knew, of course. I knew I wouldn’t lose him, or leave him for that matter. At that moment, there was no way I could’ve anticipated the meaning of what I had said. All I could really think of was…

I’m never losing anyone ever again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College has me falling behind on updates, but it's finals week so wish me good luck! More updates to come soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya and Haise fight off a ghoul, much to Haise's reluctance. Suzuya finally makes up his mind about the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have officially brought this story off hiatus. I am very excited to continue Haise and Juuzou's journey! Please let me know how I'm doing.

“Haise! To your left!”   
“Got it.”  
“Too slow, got him!” I laughed as I took a leap from the side of the nearest building, using my Ukaku as a magnificent tool in maneuvering my body toward my target ghoul. It was the notorious S-Rated newcomer plaguing the underground of our assigned ward. Haise shot me a startled look when I took off before he could even turn around to defend himself against the other ghoul. Using the handle of Jason, I got a direct hit, pummeling his face in as the weight of my body took him to the ground. As soon as I heard the ghoul’s skull crack against the concrete, I lifted my quinque to finish off my prey.   
“Juuzou!” Haise yelled after me. “He’s finished. There’s no need for slaughter.”  
“Huh?” I cocked my head to the side, raising an eyebrow simultaneous to the lowering of my weapon. “What’re you talking about?”  
“We can detain him for now and take him into custody for questioning.”  
“Questioning?” I chuckled. “Cochlea doesn’t have any questions or space to waste on any more ghouls. We already know the vics and have the evidence. Nothing left but the execution.”   
“It’s not necessary to kill him. He’s incapacitated.”  
I frowned, clenching my fist. “If we let every ghoul live, we would have a Cochlea in every ward. He would be killed eventually, anyway.”  
“I know, but…” he pondered, turning his head. “We don’t have to cause more harm than needed.”  
“Haise,” I said sternly in my rare, serious tone. “I am your superior. Don’t forget.”  
I could see the look of hurt in his face. And though it filled me with an ache of my own to say it to him, it was true. We were following orders, weren’t we? That’s what this life is all about when you work for the CCG; doing what you’re told and leaving no loose ends.   
The both of us were silent, not looking at each other. I know he is devoted to orders as much as I am, but he takes different paths than I. He is merciful in many aspects, while I close my eyes to those concepts. Being a ghoul investigator is a matter of life or death. I have no room for mercy when I have a job to do. It’s what keeps me going after all this time.   
“Juuzou!”  
We waited too long. While we were busy arguing over whether to kill the ghoul or not, he seemed to have recovered from my blow, and took a cheap shot at me as I stood over him, too deep in my thoughts to notice him moving. Haise was alert enough to warn me in time, though. The ghoul knocked me from my feet using his kagune, causing me to fly forward a few yards, but I caught caught myself with my ukaku, making the fall a bit lighter.   
The ghoul was back on his feet, his bikaku raised above him, curled and pointed at the end like a pig’s tail. I tried to stand as well, but the socket of my prosthetic was out of place. Damn it. Why do ghouls love going for my legs? Maybe I’m just too quick on my feet for them to catch up. Cheaters.   
“He’s all yours, Haise,” I grinned, looking to the investigator in question. He was on his way to check if I was alright. I could tell by that concerned expression; wide eyes, a grimace, and a drop of sweat falling from his neck. Once he realized I was unharmed, his eyes changed entirely when he looked over to Mr. Piggy. It was his warrior face, unchanging as his rinkaku slithered its way out of his lower back.   
I didn’t have to tell him to finish the ghoul. He was in that state when his instinct to protect and serve was the priority, especially when it came to protecting me, I noticed. It was a card I played on the rare occasions when a mission needed to be completed. Sometimes I just let the enemies get the better of me, just to see Haise’s reaction. His strength...his terror. I took advantage of it sometimes, but I had to measure his ability to fight as an individual without me as backup. He always proved to be capable, even if it costed him his well-balanced morals at times.   
It didn’t take him long to go for the kill. His anger made it hard for him to hold back.   
In one final movement, he tore apart the ghoul with the scaled tendrils of his rinkaku. He tore the bikaku tail straight from the spine, and it splattered against the concrete, smearing blood until it puddled into a pile of gore. He had the ghoul pinned down, squealing like the piggy I had named him after. And the slaughter was coming: it was Haise. The squealing ceased as one last strike through the heart pierced his ribcage. It was a relief we were in a less populated area of the ward, or else they would be chaos due to the blood. Luckily, cleanup wasn’t up to us.   
Haise turned to me silently, with that black and red eye staring me down. I smiled, motioning him over. He walked to me slowly as I used Jason as a makeshift crutch to hold me up, getting to his level. There was some blood on his face, and somehow it suited him like the night I saw him from that rooftop a year or two earlier... and his face was covered with that grinning, leather mask.   
‘“Don’t feel bad,” I reassured him. “You did well.”  
He shook his head. “I let my anger get the best of me. I could feel...it’s like I could feel some past me pushing through every time I fight. I shouldn’t.”  
I leaned in, kissing him, because, I don’t know, seeing him fight so wildly gives me this urge like thunder, like butterflies being poured on by heavy, sharp rain.   
“You can’t live by Article 13 forever,” I said. “You know that.”  
He nodded slowly in agreement, averting his eyes from me even though he knew I hated when he did that. It pisses me off when he looks away from me, as if he’s letting some train of thought fly right past me without even attempting to let me in. We’re supposed to be a team. We need to trust each other. I need to know what’s on his mind, because when I don’t, it scares me to death for whatever reason. Because maybe I’m afraid of what I don’t know, but I also realize it’s him who should fear what he doesn't know. He should be filled with terror of the ghoul that once walked the streets of Tokyo in his body. And I fear the day his memories return only for him to escape this place, to go back to his old ways. Whatever those were. Perhaps the thoughts that plague me the most are the ones that suggest I'll be left behind because of what I've done, because of who I've killed. Does he care about me enough to leave the past behind?  
It’s me though...isn’t it? I'm the one who needs to care more. I've been so concerned about preserving the way things are with Haise and I now that I overlooked the possibility of Kaneki Ken reemerging in the future. If I can’t accept that possibility, I'm not accepting Haise. Not fully. If he trusts me, I need to show him that I trust him...even if it’s not “him” anymore.  
“Look at me,” I demanded, my hands on his bloodied cheeks forcing his eyes to meet mine. “Your anger can save you, or it'll kill you. You said your past self is pushing through?”  
His eyes were filled with dread when I asked him that question, though he nodded anyway.  
“Yes…”  
“Let it.”  
Those eyes were wide in shock now. The seriousness never left my face, and that’s what I wanted to convey with everything in my power.   
“J-Juuzou...you know what happens if my memories return. I'll lose myself. I’ll be executed on the spot.”  
I chuckled dangerously, and with a smirk, I pulled him down to my level for a long, lingering kiss. I could taste the hesitation and confusion on his lips like a bitter pill I was being forced to swallow, but it all drained away as we started to lose ourselves in the moment. I was taking control this time, and he secretly loved it because his cheeks have never been so red.   
“Haise…” I whispered with a mischievous grin pressed against his neck. “If this world was after your head, I would make a graveyard of it.”  
The way he looked at me now only caused my grin to grow wider, because he was baffled at my words, and that’s just what I wanted. Internally, I was almost baffled at myself for the devotion for him I now expressed so easily. The whole world? It’s nothing I can’t handle. I would do it for him. I've made an oath to never lose anyone I cared for ever again. Haise and Shinohara...they are what keep me going. Shinohara was the one who rescued me from the hell I was enduring, the hell I was forced to endure for majority of my life since I was young. He was the first thing I saw through the chaos the CCG’s infiltration of the ghoul restaurant I was forced to work at, a sliver of light of the darkness. Haise reminds me of the light. When I thought I had lost Shinohara for good, I had given up on fighting for a cause. I felt like the CCG's little puppet, that they could control by the threads stitched under my skin, much like what they are trying to do with Haise now. I won’t allow it anymore. We’re both breaking free today, and I no longer give a damn about the consequences.  
If Haise’s memory returns, I will not leave his side, and I hope he feels the same way for me as well. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya's entire world is turned inside-out when he and Sasaki visit Shinohara in the hospital. Suzuya makes a life-changing decision.

My decision to stay by Haise’s side had never felt so real, so strong, it could tear down the bricks of faith the CCG had entrusted me to build and maintain. The wall that took years to put up, untouched with perfect lines of cement holding it all together, is now a crumbling pile of decayed devotion. I have to keep telling myself it’s all worth it, because Shinohara would want me to find my own path to happiness, even if it meant straying down one I've never imagined going down before…  
This resolve I've made...was amplified exponentially due to a series of events that no one could have predicted. It was because of this...I ripped out the bushes of thorns that littered the road ahead, ripped them by the roots until my hands bled.  
It didn’t start off that way, though.  
Everything was kind of nice. Haise and I were kicking some serious ghoul ass with every new assignment, and everyone was incredibly impressed. We were spending more and more time together, which was typical since we were something of an item now. We were careful. No one really questioned anything. Even if someone had something to say about us, what could they do? I don’t care about reputation, even though I am an associate special class investigator. I’m supposed to set an example to the less experienced investigators. So what?  
Haise and I grew closer, as did his curiosity about my life as an investigator and my life as a human being. I let him in on my past experiences, the person I used to be, and who it led me to become. We often talked about Shinohara.   
“I wish I could have met him,” he’d say.  
“You still can,” I replied with a smile.  
It was decided then. I'd take him to the hospital where Shinohara’s lifeless body lay, unmoving. I knew his mind was dreaming, however. At least I hoped.  
Haise observed the way I stared at Shinohara, my expression unchanging. Looking at him hurt of course, but that same sharp pain was a cruel reminder that kept me fighting. As long as I kept living, there is hope that one day, those eyes will open. I think about his surprise at how things in the CCG have changed, all thanks to his contribution in investigating. He is something of a legendary hero to the newbies among various CCG branches.   
Haise’s voice pulled me away from the past-ridden thoughts.   
“He’d be proud of all you’ve done, you know.”  
The look I gave him must have almost been laughable. My eyes were so wide, they might've popped out if I wasn’t careful.   
But I soon smiled instead. I smiled, despite feeling like my heart was breaking. I wanted to cry. Did Haise really mean it? Would Shinohara be proud? When he wakes up, will be congratulate me and treat me with sake like he said he would?   
“I’m proud of you too, Juuzou's,” Haise smiled.   
He could never understand how much those words meant.   
Haise probably had an idea, though, because he took me into his arms, my head pressed against his chest…

* * *

 

That’s how things went for a while. We’d go to visit the hospital together, same time, same room. It was like our weekly ritual. Haise was more than happy to accompany me each time.  
But there was this one day in particular...everything changed.  
It was the same as any other day really.   
We arrived at our usual time, just making it for visiting hours. We signed in, and heading toward the ward of the hospital designated for coma patients. It was always the most silent ward compared to any other section of the hospital. The most lonely… The hopelessness one feels from being there for only a moment is overwhelming. The only people who visit are on the verge of losing all hope, thinking, “how long?” I'm no different, because I too count the days like a living, breathing stopwatch. However, being with Haise gave me enough encouragement to shake those feelings and burdens.  
His companionship just wasn’t enough this time, though.   
Shinohara’s room was empty.

* * *

  
Haise was forcibly holding me back, his grasp tighter than ever as I struggled with a crazed darkness in my unbelievably wide eyes.   
“You can’t,” I choked out. “You didn’t. You’re lying. This is a fucking joke. Don’t fuck with me!”  
The group of men of the CCG sat calmly with reservation, seemingly unaffected by this state of shock I was in. I was trembling, and the only thing preventing me from slaughtering everyone in this room was Haise, purposely holding his forearm against my shoulder blades where my ukaku was threatening to burst out. It was cutting Haise. I could feel his blood seeping through my black shirt. And although he was holding me back right now, I know he felt the outrage of this situation as well. He was repressing it like a good little dog, and it pissed me off that he wasn’t outwardly upset like I was. Devastated. Hopeless.   
Everyone in the room was staring at my kakugan as it shined bright red. Its pulses filled my brain with static, a disorientating jolt that left spots in my vision.   
“The CCG has been cutting corners in order to fund the implementation of entirely new squads. Discontinuing any prolonged hospitalization coverage is the only way to help this organization advance. We understand that you were his student, and we offer our condolences. His family will receive a generous compensation for our decision. They can use that payment as a means to continue life support or to make arrangements for his death. It is their decision.”  
“They don’t have a decision to make,” I blurted out menacingly. “They never had a choice in the first place.”  
“Associate Special Class Suzuya. The CCG has provided you with freedom, an education, a career, and a place of residence. Don’t forget that you are here today thanks to all this organization has done for you. And don’t forget that it was your choice to undergo the Kakuhou-implantation surgery.”  
I took a long pause at that. My body went eerily still, but Haise still kept a firm hold on me because he knew better than anyone what it meant. It was the numbness seeping in again to mask this never ending stabbing of pain I tried so hard to ignore. I understood why Haise was staying calm now. He was doing it for me. I have to thank him for that later. But for now, I chuckled, and presented them with my most sickeningly sweet smile…  
“Did I?” 

 

* * *

 

“Juuzou…you can’t be serious. There isn’t much you can do all by yourself.”  
“That’s why you’re going to help me.”  
“W-what? What can I possibly do to help…?”  
We ended up at my place, because I was pissed and needed to kick something. The drywall would do. I used the wrong foot though, and I ended up with one hell of a discolored foot and a few cracked toenails. Haise freaked out at the sight of my blood smeared against the white paint and quickly got to work on first-aid like my own personal nurse. I told him it didn’t hurt, but he insisted.   
“You don’t have to do anything really,” I shrugged. “Just do what you’re already doing. Be obedient. Quiet. Be my eyes and ears.”  
He gave me a very unamused glare at the word ‘obedient,’ but I grinned in response.  
“You’re not thinking clearly, Juuzou...with all this going on, it’s making you see red.”  
I laughed. “Don’t you see, Haise? My vision has never been clearer!”  
He sighed, kneeling down between my legs to secure the wrappings around my foot. He held my ankle in his hand gently, caressing my calf with the other. It almost tickled and made me want to squirm.   
“Why is that?” He finally asked.   
I sat up a bit using my elbows, thankful for the rug cushioning against my bony arms. “You know what my options were when I lost my leg?”  
He shook his head slowly in confusion.  
“Never be an investigator again. Unemployed and homeless, with a medical bill longer than a phone number. Or…”  
“Or?” He repeated.   
“Or I become a Guinea pig with ghoul parts sewed up inside me. Oh! We’ll cover all the expenses, they said! We’ll even thrown in a new leg that can help you fight. Bullshit this, bullshit that. Oh, and what would Shinohara want you to do?”  
Haise was taken aback by my words. He squeezed my ankle. When my eyes met his again, they went dark. His brows furrowed, the anger evident in his face as his frown turned into a scowl. There, in his eyes, was the anger I had hoped for.   
“They did this to you,” he muttered with a dangerous venom in his voice. “They used you...used your ability, your body. Like some lab experiment.”  
“Yes Haise. And I'm so fucking sick of being used by the wrong people over and over again.”  
His expression softened, and he slowly let go of my ankle. Instead, he began running his hands up my legs in a slow and gentle caress. I adored the sensation of his hands on me. I adored the way he looked at me as he leaned over and pressed the warmest kisses over the areas where my legs were exposed. He came closer just to place a small peck on my cheek as he whispered, “I wouldn’t use you. I would never.” He repeated his words of devotion over and over, making sure I never forget.   
“But Haise,” I whined almost childishly. “I want you to.”  
He chuckled at my immaturity. I was slightly surprised at my ability to crack a joke at a time like this, but being around Haise made my mood always feel lighter. He gave me the strength I didn’t have. With him by my side, I was confident that I would succeed in getting what I want.   
“Are you sure about this, Juuzou?” He asked, a bit more seriously this time.   
“Yes,” I nodded, brushing his hair back. “I’m going to make the CCG pay for all they’ve done, and you’re going to help me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I already have the next two chapters mostly written out already! I have a lot of free time at work when it's really slow at the register, so I write as often as I can. Thanks to everyone who leaves those wonderful comments! They really do inspire me. Follow me on tumblr @ suzuya-juuzilla :) You'll get the heads up on updates, new story ideas, and inspiration.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya and Sasaki find themselves in dangerous territory when they dig deeper into the CCG's secrets.

In the days that followed my resolve to save Shinohara’s life from being cut short, I had become somewhat of a snake that silently watched and learned about how exactly this joke of an organization operated from the inside out. Doing this wasn’t exactly difficult when I had easy access to information regarding members of the Quinx squad at my disposal. Seeing as I was one of the earlier experiments, mandatory appointments with Dr. Shiba were always a constant. He was, in fact, the one in charge of all the checkups to monitor our RC levels and administer the RC suppressants via injection.

The first thing I did was ask questions. Just the simple ones at first. Dr. Shiba was always willing to help me understand exactly what was going on with my body post-surgery. I wanted to know about the other Quinx: their feelings about the surgery, how they coped, how they were selected. I asked him where this idea came from in the first place; the whole part-ghoul, part-human theory and what made it successful. “Dedication from our early volunteers,” he said, never mentioning names. I wanted to pry some more, because I had this feeling it was something exclusively off-record. I’d find those names eventually, but presently, all I have to go off of is the information I can gain from the Quinx Squad. 

Haise was going to help me with that one. 

In the meantime, I met with Shinohara’s family. In the midst of their hopelessness and devastation, I reassured them that I would not allow money to be an issue for them regarding keeping Shinohara alive. I would hereby cover all costs for his life support, the money coming directly from my salary. It was the least I could do for the man who selflessly watched over me for so long. 

But time is money...and I knew I wouldn’t be able to cover the costs forever. Medical bills really burn through savings. That much I know.

* * *

 

I should have been more alert regarding the changes occurring all around me in the midst of my personal vendetta against my employers. My mission motivated me to work at full capacity, yet it also drove me to become selfish as I dug for the truth. The more we learned, the more unstable Haise became in controlling sides of his personality neither of us knew existed. I wasn’t quite sure which sides were slipping through: the part of him who was a ghoul, or the part of him who was a human. 

He recently became much more distant from the other members of his squad. Part of it was my fault for occupying his time and demanding his company night and day, but there was something else that plagued his thoughts. I don’t even know if he knew what it was. 

It was always after one of our adventures in digging up dirt that the nightmares happened. 

We started to sleep together often, majority of the time it was because we were just up late either working on a case or doing our own investigating. I was always too lazy to go back home, or when he was at my place, I begged him to stay a little longer. It usually resulted in us passing out at some point. It was fun, too...our little talks into the night. 

The nightmares weren’t fun, though. 

He would tremble, almost vibrating the mattress underneath me. It wasn’t anything new for me; I experienced similar night terrors in the past. Both violent and non-violent spasms of trauma from my past that reopened the wounds once covering my body. 

Haise would scream. I had to be the calm one as he awoke from another nightmare and thrashed his arms violently. I would grab him, and we would fight for control until he realized it was just me. I would crawl on top of him, pinning his arms back so he couldn’t hit or grab me by mistake. It’s happened before, much to his regret. 

“It’s me, Haise, it’s me,” I hushed comfortingly. Beads of sweat rolled down his neck and forehead, his hair sticking to his face as he beat it left to right mercilessly. He was trying to buck me off, but I wasn’t giving up until he woke up. 

“They’re gone...gone...th…” 

“Haise…”

“...i-in my ea...take...it out!”

“Haise,” I repeated. 

“I can’t...see…”

In his dreams, he wasn’t Haise. I knew this. It took so long for him to respond...to wake back up and become this new man, like a video game loading its data. I knew that inside of him, he was Kaneki Ken. But when he was awake, he was Haise. This violent, tortured soul was what he was like before. 

“Come back, Haise...it’s ok,” I pleaded. “You’re not him right now, not yet...you’re not Kaneki Ken.”

And just like that, his eyes snapped open. For a split second, I was frozen in fear...because the eyes that opened were not Haise’s. They were so tired, so dark. Not a hint of light in them at all. Like mine.

I was thrown off of him in an instant, and the weight of his body held me down as his hand tightened around my neck. I couldn’t breath. 

The way he looked at me caused tremors to travel down my spine. It was the way an animal looks at their prey when they’re about to make that final kill. It was so dangerous, and yet I was lying there letting him dominate me. Maybe I wanted him to. I wasn’t sure. 

His grip on my neck loosened, but his expression never changed. 

With my throat freed from his hold, I breathed in deep, gasping in air. However, my intake of air was cut short when his mouth covered mine in an eager display of dominance. There was no easing into it. His hand went back to my neck, caressing my skin before squeezing gently to make breathing a bit more of a task. Resisting was still far from my mind at this point, because I’d be lying if I wasn’t distracted. 

I was just feeling so much at this point. I felt lightheaded because the oxygen wasn’t quite reaching my brain to its fullest potential, but the high it gave me was making me fly in a state of asphyxiation-induced intoxication.

I could feel my face turning at least one shade of red. It suddenly felt so hot; the sweat that formed above my lip was swiftly licked away in hunger. The ghoul above me stared me down, grabbed my chin, and forced me to face the other way as he observed my pale, thread-stitched neck. He came even closer, his lips brushing up against my skin. He grazed his teeth over the spot where my pulse rung in our ears. A sound escaped my lips before I could stifle it, and he forced more out of me when he used his mouth to suck and bite every part of my neck he could reach. 

As much as my body enjoyed it, I was terrified. 

He said nothing, never uttered a single word as he continued down my neck to my collarbone. That’s what probably scared me the most, this silence. What if this wasn’t Haise? The thought was like a stab to the chest. I shoved him suddenly, and backed away against the headboard so we were now looking face to face.

“Juuzou?” He asked softly, cocking his head to the side. “What’s wrong?”

The gentle concern in his voice...and the light in his eyes brought me back to reality. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. 

“Haise...oh, it’s nothing. I’m sorry.”

“Did I make you uncomfortable…? I… I wasn’t sure.”

I smiled and shook my head. “No, it’s fine.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“No,” I smiled again.

* * *

 

It was as if the more I dug around for dirt on the CCG and the surgeries, the more complex it became. With the help of Haise, Hanbee, and some trustworthy members of my squad, I now had complete access to the whereabouts of the files I was looking for. Since I wasn’t exactly computer savvy, physical files were my only option. My status as an Associate Special Class Investigator made wandering the main branch of the CCG quite simple, actually. It was rare for anyone to ask what I was doing, why, and how long I would be. No one cared. No one questioned it. 

Using the copy of an elevator key I had stolen from maintenance, Haise and I took the lift to the lower levels of the buildings where a labyrinth of neatly organized files awaited. Haise was antsy, of course. We’ve done this a few times already. When is he going to get used to it?

“We have around two hours this time,” I mentioned as we walked deeper into the maze of filing cabinets. He was silent. I stopped and stared at him. “You okay?”

“This just feels...wrong. I know it’s to find evidence, but snooping through their files doesn’t feel right. How can we used this against them if it was obtained illegally...”

“Haise, it’s the only thing we can do right now.”

“Juuzou…” He trailed off. 

“I’m not gonna lose anyone,” I said softly.

To that, he frowned and lifted a hand to my head, gently running a hand through my messy black hair. “What if, by taking these risks, we lose each other?” He asked. 

“Not gonna happen,” I retorted. 

He gave up on arguing with me for now. We were on a time limit, and I was eager to get the information I needed before lights out. We navigated our way to the files containing written reports on Haise’s own Quinx squad. What we found was more than interesting to say the least. 

 

_ “Quinx” Squad (Qs) _

 

_**Current Members:** _

 

_ Haise Sasaki (Mentor) _

_ Kuki Urie (77th Batch) _

_ Ginshi Shirazu (77th Batch) _

_ Saiko Yonebashi (77th Batch) _

_ Tooru Mutsuki (77th Batch) _

 

_ Supervised by Akira Mado/ Kishou  Arima _

“I love how they say batches. Like we came out of an oven,” I commented sarcastically. 

“I won’t disagree with you on that,” Haise replied.

We went one by one through the members, while Haise filled in the gaps of information from what he gathered. We started with Shirazu...and we soon discovered his reasons for partaking in the surgery. It was all due to his obsession with compensation to pay off his sister’s medical treatment. Him and I are alike in that aspect. Going that far to protect someone he loves...I get it. I really do. 

Then there was Saiko. She has an incredible RC cell level, but she wasn’t much of a willing participant for the surgery. She was being used for the compensation by her mother as it turns out. It’s always about the money...always. 

And then there’s me. Choose between unemployment or a leg. Choose between the unknown or what you know best. I was just another pawn in their sick game. Not anymore. I’m going to make myself King. 

Just when we thought we were getting somewhere, we hit a dead end. The records only wretched as far back as to when the first success story hit the news, and that was hardly what I was aiming for. Haise and I searched thoroughly, assuming that perhaps the files on early experimentation stages could be stored in another area. We were almost forced to leave empty-handed. 

But I was curious now. If the CCG used threats to force me into surgery...if the CCG accepted unwilling teenagers for a surgery to turn them into dangerous weapons, what other methods did they use? Who was the first test subjects? Where are they now?

I found out soon enough.

* * *

 

A file dating back three years ago led me to an address of a storage facility on the outskirts of the 1st Ward. The facility was heavily guarded, but nothing I can’t handle. 

The amazing thing about quinque steel is that it can cut through much more than a ghoul’s flesh. 

Dressed in dark colors to blend in with the night, Haise and I found ourselves jumping a barbed-wire fence in the dead of night. He was worried. He didn’ want to go. He thought it was too risky, but I needed him there with me. The only reason he came was so I wouldn’t have to be alone. 

Warehouse B, garage 20. That’s where we were headed. 

It was a simple enough job to avoid being spotted by security, but it was even more difficult to take out the security cameras one by one. I had damn good aim, though. And Haise’s kagune stretched far enough to bash them into pieces. 

When we arrived at our designated location, we tampered with the locks securing the doors. Luckily, we broke our way in without making too much noise. 

And inside, we found what we were looking for. 

However, we found more than just files. We found heavily documented trials and experiments, along with graphic photographs that depicted the CCG’s utter failure. 

They tried almost everything they could. And how convenient it was all kept top secret, so the public had no idea just what this organization kept top secret. Apparently, experimentation between ghouls and humans is anything but new. Photographs dating back decades show the grotesque actions the CCG took in order to find ways to defeat ghoul kind. Using more trivial methods, one experiment shows the nude body of a man, lying face down on an operating table. Dangling from his back was the remains of a rinkaku, which had been crudely stitched to his skin. What were they thinking?  

Another experiment consisted of force-feeding humans...feeding them ghouls. Because if ghouls ate humans, it only makes sense to make humans eat ghouls, right? Apparently that’s what they thought. Silly. And horrific. 

They even tried creating a one-eyed ghoul by making a ghoul and a human conceive...resulting in dozens of miscarriages. The photographs were hard to stomach for Haise, who constantly turned away or held his hand over his mouth to keep his dinner down. As we dug deeper, we found even more. They even tried implanting different organs from ghoul's into human bodies, just to see if they were compatible. Implanting simple organs wasn’t quite enough though. There was an organ ghouls had that humans didn’t, and they didn’t think of implanting that until much later.  

And as the records show, many of the early experiments died as a result. But...what happened after that was so much worse. They wheeled the bodies to some kind of machine...they were compacted...preserved. And by a process they called “recycling,” the human flesh was fed to the ghouls in cochlea. 

It was almost hard to stomach, even for someone like me who has seen it all. As for Haise, he was silent. It didn’t click for me at first, but the moment I turned to face Haise, I knew something was horribly wrong. It’s as if he refused to face me. However, I could tell that he had his hand covering his mouth similar to how he did just a few minutes ago. 

“Haise…?”

No response yet. I could barely see his face from where I was sitting.

“They...used the humans. The failed experiments.”

“Yeah…? What about them…”

It was a chuckle that startled me. Haise sighed. With his laugh only growing in volume, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, pushing it back. 

“Disgusting...disgusting...ahah…” He muttered under his breath. “Don't you get it Juuzou?” He faced me with a dangerous, humorless smile. “That's what this is. The shit they feed the ghouls at cochlea. It’s what they’ve been giving me this whole time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise! Hope everyone enjoyed this longer chapter. Obviously it's been a while since an update, but it had to be done! I'm not sure if I should change the rating of this story eventually or not, but we'll see. PLEASE remember to leave some feedback! I absolutely appreciate every single comment; they really get me going on writing. Everyone's kind words lift my spirits on my down days.

**Author's Note:**

> Suzuya has an Ukaku-type kagune. Check out my Kaneki/Suzuya story Problem Child and follow my tumblr VanillaGhostie for more content.


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